“One of the most private things in the world is an egg until it is broken.” — MFK Fisher. Isn’t that a lovely quote?

Our Ameraucana started laying this weekend. Look how tiny and blue her egg is, compared to our Golden Laced Wyandotte’s egg. It’s like a robin’s egg.

I’ve been alone the past few days. The menfolk are on the east coast visiting family. I feel a bit like these eggs. I feel quiet and introspective. Sometimes this feels very good. Sometimes I think I’m going out of my head with too many thoughts.

I did have one thought yesterday on my bike ride. It was this: my family is the most rewarding thing in my life. Everything else fell away and I had that thought and that feeling so clearly. I tried to hang on to it, but anxiety and fear and excitement and anticipation for the next stage of being an app publisher crowded in.

I’m learning so much during the process of building an app and working with others — our developer, designer, our investors, my husband. It’s been a remarkably easy process on the surface, but it’s also a bit of a mental game. I get emotional about things. I want to yell and run and jump around, but I sit still and have a look at my reaction. It always comes down to fear. I think this: does my reaction, due to my own fear, help anyone in this situation? The answer is no. So I swallow that fear and strip it out.

I keep this in mind: Get the app finished and working. And that’s the mental game. Does this get the app done? No? Then it doesn’t happen. Yes? Then it does. My fears are my own. They’re like that egg. But instead of cracking it open, they need to stay right where they are. Hidden and private. Away from others. Because they don’t matter. We are marching forward. We are beginning this new thing. This app to make people’s lives easier. To make cooking for working families easier. I anticipate this app will reduce the time we spend on meals by about three hours a week. Three hours a week! Back!

When the fears crowd in, I go back to that thought. I picture families like my own with a limited amount of time. And how this app will give them time back to spend with the people they find most rewarding. Isn’t that so much better than fear?

 

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