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Look at my pretty preserved lemons. I used the preserved lemons recipe from The Splendid Table. Between Cooks Illustrated and The Splendid Table, I really don’t need to look at any other cooking resource. But I still do because I love to.

See how the lemon juice doesn’t cover the top? Well, I needed to buy more lemons so I did that on my lunch after swimming. I was then in the elevator to go up to my car in the gym parking lot with my lemons in hand and a man asked me if I was on the lemonade diet. I said no, that I was using them for preserved lemons. And then he told me all about the lemonade diet and how effective it is. According to this dude, you drink lemon juice and cayenne pepper and maple syrup something something I tuned out because all I could think is WHY DO PEOPLE HATE FOOD AND TORTURE THEMSELVES WITH DIETS THAT WILL NEVER, EVER, EVER IN ONE MILLION YEARS WORK FOR THEM.

Can we all please stop going on diets? Please. Can we stop doing that? I will tell you how to lose weight: eat fewer calories than you use. Simple. Easy. If you want to do this in the easiest way possible, stop eating prepared foods. Stop eating processed foods. Processed foods marked healthy or organic or whatever are still processed!! Make your own food and exercise.

You’re welcome.

Also, why was that guy asking me if I was on a diet? Does my butt look fat in that elevator?

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